Tim Dillinger

simplicity of heart

Tim — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 10:37:25 +0000

“Simplicity of heart means detachment from that which is not essential in our aim, detachment from our previous intellectual riches, prejudices, opinions and beliefs, thus leaving us free to undertake the quest of Reality with the ingenuous open-heartedness of a child looking upon the world with new eyes. The more the heart is an avid void, the more abundantly the light will shine into it. Only the limit of our desire will limit our progress.”–Isha Schwaller de Lubicz

home

Tim — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 14:01:50 +0000

“i hear you call my name….
and it feels like home….”

that line brought unexpected tears
a new understanding
a gratitude for history
between hearts that share that bond

i told my story
abbreviated and concise
and realized that i really am
on my way…

home

the pearl

Tim — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 12:38:40 +0000

river heart tears flow
free, like blinking, these days
their source is joy and compassion
pillow soft prickling compels them to fall

i marvel at the knowing i find
in the middle of the quest
but then again, nothing else really matters
once you’ve found the pearl

age (to age)

Tim — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 12:04:43 +0000

it’s a childhood memory that never leaves
i remember a long black velvet chair
buttery popcorn on friday nights
two hours of stillness that we escaped into

all these years later
i still see the innocence
on the screen and in our eyes
“knowing what you’re going through and feeling it the same”

i find as i age (to age)
that my core returns here more often than not
the details become less important–as do the complications
and i just want to enjoy the feeling

healing

Tim — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 08:06:59 +0000

i know her face
i don’t know why
her purse is in the chair next to her
the only open seat in the waiting room

she sees me, escorted from the doctor’s office
back to the waiting room
i see the chairs are all taken
i stand with my friend, marion, just outside of the waiting area

her pain must have seen mine
she quickly grabbed her bag and motioned for me to sit
at first, i say that i’m fine
but she insists and i comply

it was a simple gesture
but one that overwhelmed me
because i felt the heart behind it
the understanding, the resonance, the witness

when the doctor returned for me, i touched the lady’s arm before i rose
‘thank you for that’, i whispered
our eyes met
it felt like an embrace

holy spirit

Tim — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 04:43:28 +0000

there’s nothing like holy spirit
a mighty rushing wind
and not in the cliche way
that’s really he feels like

he blew in today
like the most unexpected, rippling wave
merged with a whiff of my favorite perfume
there’s no mistaking him

the tears came like a breaking dam
from out of my inner most being
water rushing over stones
a geyser that could not be contained

joy became tangible, palpable
more than an emotion, or state of mind
as if it became a physical being
that i had reacquainted with after years of separation

my tears merged with a laughter
i let them fall as i basked in the presence
my belly shook as my soul witnessed
this mystery that i know so well

‘that’s holy spirit’, i said.

Center: I’m Gonna Fly

Tim — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 12:53:53 +0000

“We are fragmented when we wander from our own center. When our attention is merely reacting to outer events, or when it is being dominated by something, it loses contact with its own source. Attention is a sacred faculty, but when it is drawn to whatever pulls strongest, it has no force of its own, it is passive. If attention is not connected to will, a human is not fully a human being.”–Kabir Edmund Helminski

“When our ultimate goal is clearly seen and accepted, one is usually surprised to see the circumstances of life spontaneously alter as if to fit in with the new direction.”–Isha Schwaller de Lubicz

clarity: a quiet place

Tim — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:47:41 +0000

it’s been a beautiful sunday
it is the first entirely painfree day i’ve had in quite some time
i am grateful for the painkiller (lol)
it is nice to have a day that i can be clear with my thoughts

everything about most of my physical life is in limbo
and there’s something freeing about that
everything is in the air, so it’s impossible for me to have answers
it is the first time, ever, that my body is a priority

my loved ones are taking care of me (receiving unconditional love in daily practice: another new lesson)
but, first and foremost, i am taking care of me: without apology
it is a new feeling.
‘No’ and ‘I’m not up to that’ are like new words to me, but i’m saying them

the blessing of experiencing pain has been incredible
learning to listen to it and hear what it is saying
how to communicate with it and feeling what it really is
not resisting, but integrating it and honoring it

what gifts james cleveland and aretha franklin have been (i compare them to chicken noodle soup)
artists i’ve always loved, but never had such deep communion with
perhaps because they had/have such a grasp on the reality of life and faith
their music honors the wealth of our emotional and spiritual paths, without apology

as i can, i’m reading about death & rebirth
the emotional and spiritual roots of the physical things i am walking through
i am so assured it is right & good: it’s for my growing
everything that felt dead inside is gestating and stirring (these dry bones can live!)

i am on the road home

god willed it so

Tim — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 10:44:51 +0000

harpo leaps and yelps for joy
when i open their weekly treat of soft food
it makes my night

i wake up to him
grooming my beard
and purring at amplified volume

i have gratitude for six hours of unbroken sleep
a break from the pain
and a call from a seer that i will always hold in my heart

Look for the Silver Lining

Tim — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 12:38:58 +0000

What I’m grateful for today:
This song, this message and a pain-free morning.
Thank you Jesus. Thank you James Cleveland.
Praying for my brother Kenneth Kenny Burton and holding this in my heart for him as well.
May we all walk through recovery.